You Never Can Tell
by KamiSama
Summary: Yaoi Lime-The reason Zarbon hates Vegeta so much...


You Never Can Tell Life was uncertain at best in Frieza's Army. Death was everywhere, met at the hands of an enemy as one fought to clear planets for Frieza; overtaking you when one of the other soldiers decided he didn't like your face; or happening just because Frieza felt like killing you.  
Zarbon had served Frieza all of his life. He was older than he looked, which was around twenty-three Galactic Standard; he was actually closer to one hundred fifty. Frieza was far older yet, but was still considered barely in his teens for his kind. An ancient adolescent, whose teen-age pranks were deadly.  
Now Zarbon was feeling Frieza's eyes on him, and it wasn't the friendly gaze he was used to. Something was wrong, but he had no idea what it could be. He winced at the idea of dying by the hands of his beloved master. His feelings for Frieza were beyond loyalty, closer to worship. He felt admiration for his strength, and his marshalling abilities. No one could direct a battle or invasion better than the tiny ruler could.  
And, Frieza had shown Zarbon his transformations. Zarbon still woke in the night shuddering, the memory of the third stage in his dream eyes. However, the final, most powerful stage of Frieza's shapes was beautiful to him. He wished he could have captured it on holo to look at again and again. Zarbon loved beauty, no matter what it was that was beautiful. Maybe it was the intimacy of those changes, the effort he'd been forced to make for Zarbon that Frieza resented. Of course Dodoria had been there too, but he was an idiot, a total Baka, as the Saiyans would say.  
Speaking of Saiyans, he'd noticed that Raditz hanging about lately. Now there was a Baka if Zarbon had ever seen one. Never mind his tall broad frame and gorgeous mane of black hair. He was dumb, taking orders from Prince Vegeta or Nappa, and never doing anything on his own. He ate like an animal, and smelled like one too. But he was good looking and as good a warrior as anyone with such a low power could be.  
"Hello, Zarbon. Hiding again?" Zarbon was jolted from his thoughts. It was Raditz himself, smirking very much like Prince Vegeta did while playing with some soon to be dead victim.  
"Hiding? What do you mean?" He snapped, golden eyes narrowed dangerously. He was far stronger than this monkey, and they both knew it. Raditz put up his hands in an appeasing gesture.  
"Hey, sorry. I just never saw you wandering around in this part of town before, that's all." Raditz said smoothly, that smirk still all over his face.  
The part of "town" was the common barracks, where lesser soldiers were quartered and trained. Actually, as the Prince's escort, Raditz shouldn't be here either. He slept in his own room, a chamber attached to Vegeta's living space. Zarbon wondered if the Saiyan was following him for some reason.  
"Well, I was deep in thought. I didn't even notice where my steps were taking me. What about you?" Zarbon said candidly. Raditz blinked, surprised. He had expected the other man to rise to his baiting. Instead, he engaged him in conversation.  
"I, uh... that is... " Raditz stammered. He didn't want to admit that he had followed Zarbon down here. The point became moot as Zarbon smiled suddenly. His eyes lit with merriment.  
"You were following me, weren't you, Raditz? Why would you do that?" He said quietly, his voice almost seductive. Raditz blushed up to the roots of his wild hair. He bristled, teeth baring in anger.  
"What are you implying, Blue Boy!?" He snarled. Zarbon smiled as he realized he'd hit a nerve, his pretty face getting prettier as he chuckled. Funny, he'd never been with a Saiyan before, and wondered if Raditz had ever been with one of his kind, or even another male, for that matter. He decided to test the waters here, and see how Raditz responded to some teasing.  
"I'm implying that you just might be my type, Monkey Boy. But, can you handle someone like me?" Raditz's eyes widened as he began to back away for Zarbon, tail lashing violently in his agitation. He didn't reply, but took off flying, leaving a bemused Zarbon watching his flight. He'd have to pay more attention to that one...   


"Raditz! Kuso, what's wrong with you, is your head finally jammed so far up your ass that you can't hear?!" Nappa roared, and he nearly took the younger Saiyan's head off with a Chi beam. Raditz actually shook himself and denied anything was wrong, trying to look alert.  
"Raditz, don't make me have to replace you. I'd much rather have Saiyans as my assistants, if you don't mind. Pay attention!" Vegeta said, eyes focused on his scouter, which was shorting out and needed a new power supply. He meant what he said. He only kept Raditz alive because Raditz was a Saiyan. Vegeta wasn't close to anyone, not even Nappa, who was the one who'd raised him after King Vegeta had "died". He never allowed anyone close to him, not even taking women to his bed, as Nappa was prone to do as often as possible.  
Raditz had wondered if Vegeta felt the same urges as he himself did; namely, if Vegeta preferred male company to females for sex. However, he didn't think so-if anything, Vegeta simply abstained completely from any kind of sexual activity. It wasn't frowned upon to lean to Yaoi in Frieza's Army, and no one would have looked down upon Vegeta if he were into boys. But, it hadn't been openly accepted on Vegeta-sei, so maybe the Prince hid his desires.  
Raditz tried to hide his own hungers, but he was feeling... well lonely. He didn't want to sleep alone anymore. He was sick of staying forever at Nappa's heel, doing as the Prince said. He was still loyal in his own mind, just restless. Females were in short supply in Frieza's ranks. Ever adaptable, Raditz had found himself partners before, though not often. He just hadn't thought of Zarbon like that until that day... that smile...  
"Dammit, Raditz, get out of here! You're useless lately!" Nappa shouted; Raditz sneered and sent a rude gesture his way. He turned and stalked out of the training room, growling like an angry mastiff.  
"Having problems with the Cabbage Head?" He tensed as he heard the soft accented voice. He stopped and took a deep breath, staring ahead.  
"No, I'm just hungry. I haven't eaten today." He said, and turned to look at Zarbon's smug face.  
"Liar. You sat there and didn't eat, you just stared into space, as if you were... dreaming?" He said. The Saiyan blinked, realizing that Zarbon had to have been watching him to know that little bit of trivia. Trying to maintain his uncaring façade, he shrugged, and turned to leave again.  
"Fine, what ever you say... " He strode off, heading to the Mess Hall to cover his excuse. To his annoyance, Zarbon fell into step with him. The Saiyan glared at him, wondering what was up here.  
"I'm a little hungry myself, so I'll just tag along, alright?" He'd been watching the Saiyan for two weeks, ever since that day, and he found himself strangely liking him. He really wasn't all that hard on the eyes, and if he could be forced into a bathtub once a month, he'd look even better. He had potential, if he could be gotten away from those other two Saiyans, that is. Those two were irredeemable to polite society.  
Raditz was thinking that he was never going to be able to endure sitting with Zarbon for however long it took for him to eat. He'd go nuts. He never had intended to look twice at the green haired man, he only wanted to get in a fight with him and be stronger when he healed. It wouldn't be the first time a Saiyan let himself get beaten to "steal" his opponent's power. But then he'd found himself noticing things about him...  
"Hey, you are rather distracted, aren't you?" Zarbon asked. Raditz blinked jolted to reality once more.  
"I told you, I'm... "  
"Hungry, I know. You Saiyans and your stomachs are infamous. I had asked what you were planning on getting?"  
Zarbon sighed. Raditz stared blankly.  
"Getting? Well, one of everything, usually." He said, wondering what kind of food Zarbon ate.  
"One of everything? I see... " Zarbon murmured, and went to step into line ahead of him. There was a small panicked rush of lesser soldiers who were trying to get into line ahead of Raditz; Zarbon wasn't lying about Saiyan appetites being infamous. Both men smiled as they elbowed various creatures aside, Zarbon using his rank to advantage. No one stood up to Frieza's favorites.  
The soldiers were in luck; Raditz took only three courses of a kind of gigantic steak, and to Zarbon's amusement, the whole serving bowl of salad; he was glad he'd taken a large bowl for himself first. He'd gotten himself mostly vegetables and fruits, which made Raditz scoff at him. It was easier than he thought to talk to Zarbon, especially in public.  
"How can you be so strong, eating like this?" He asked, watching the way Zarbon ate; his manners would have been called dainty, if he weren't so big, and able to shove such words down someone's throat. Raditz picked up a fork easily, and began to take rapid small bites of his salad, making far less of a mess than Zarbon had expected.  
"I'm abstaining from meat for a year, to clean my body. It's necessary for my kind, every so often. We don't digest meat as well as others do, so we need more roughage... " He explained. Raditz lifted an eyebrow, and bent back to his own food.  
Zarbon observed Raditz on the sly, and was more impressed every moment with him. Saiyans were strong, true, but with such strength came control, and that led to them being surprisingly graceful. Raditz didn't use many gestures to emphasize his words, but his everyday motions were lithe and smooth. Even with his rough manners (he wiped his mouth on his wrist braces, and guzzled his drink noisily) he came across as being graceful. He also had a deep pleasant voice and a quick wit. He relaxed as Zarbon asked him about past missions and told his own stories as well. He laughed heartily when he laughed at all, and Zarbon never knew what would set him off. He laughed at the oddest things, and just nodded at things others would have roared at. He was intriguing, to say the least.  
"So, Raditz, why were you following me that day?" He asked casually. Raditz clammed up immediately of course, and picked at the last steak nervously. The plan to get stronger was something he couldn't explain by Saiyan tradition, and any other reason sounded too unbelievable. Zarbon took pity on him. "Look, would you like to speak alone? I don't bite... at least, not unless you want me too..." Raditz's eyes narrowed and he hissed at him.  
"Don't talk like that here, baka!" He snapped, and then nodded. "But yes, I'd like to... talk... " He looked over to the doorway, where of all people, Dodoria stood. The fat creature was staring at Zarbon with a sneer on his face. He gestured, wanting Zarbon to come with him.  
"Ah, look Raditz, I'll catch you later, alright? Keep your chin up, eh Monkey Boy?" He said, and to Raditz dismay, ran one foot up Raditz leg before rising and exiting the room. Raditz bent to his plate, trying to hide the pink on his cheeks. That comment and the footsie...  
'Gah! He IS flirting with me! Now what do I do?' He thought. He couldn't do anything, not until Zarbon called him. But when he did, what then... ?  


"What is it, Dodoria?" Zarbon asked curiously. The other mans beady eyes narrowed as he smirked at him.  
"Frieza. He's concerned about something you've done, or is that something you haven't done yet?" Dodoria chuckled. The two of them actually got along rather well, with Dodoria taking the role of an older stepbrother to Zarbon. He teased and gibed the younger man endlessly, but not with real cruelty. He needed Zarbon as back up too often to create true bad feelings between them. But this was important. Getting involved with Frieza's pet monkeys was not a good idea, and Dodoria knew it. He felt no remorse for bringing Zarbon's unusual actions to Frieza's attention.  
"I see. What do you suggest? Not lying, of course?" Zarbon said with some tension. Dodoria shrugged.  
"I don't know. He wants to see you alone. Maybe the truth is what is needed here, maybe not... " They walked in silence, until Dodoria left Zarbon to enter Frieza's private chambers alone.  


"Wonder what was up with Zarbon? There isn't any action anywhere right now." Raditz mumbled to himself as he worked with some training machines. Nappa was right, he was next to useless right now, and he had to get in focus if he was to protect the Prince properly. Not that Vegeta really needed a bodyguard at all, but...  
What Nappa and Raditz really did for Vegeta was espionage, spying on everyone and anyone who might try to assassinate him. Sometimes it seemed that everyone wanted a piece of Vegeta, but he and Nappa had quietly destroyed hundreds of would be revenge plots. They had to be sly about it because if Vegeta found out, he'd be furious. If he made too much of this problem, Frieza would just kill them all, so they continued, enduring the Prince's scorn and taunts out of loyalty to what they were, more than any care for him or even each other.  
Now these same channels and rumor mills were talking about Zarbon and himself. Nothing had happened, and he wasn't sure if anything ever would, and already tongues were wagging. He was very nervous, because Nappa was sure to give him hell for it, and if he'd told Vegeta, well then... Raditz went pale and destroyed another robot, not wanting to think about it.  


"Master Frieza?" Zarbon said quietly. He dropped to one knee and lowered his head respectfully. Frieza sighed and motioned for him to stand. He stared out at the stars, most of which had planets around them. All of these planets would soon belong to him, and he never tired of watching them, tiny points of light in space. "Zarbon, what is wrong with you? I never thought you of all people would lose his sense of taste and style... Really now, a Saiyan for a boyfriend?" His sexless voice was warm, almost kind as he turned to look slyly at his assistant. Zarbon's cheeks went a darker blue, and Frieza chuckled.  
"I'm not sure what you've heard, master, but... "  
"I've heard that you are making eyes at Raditz of all creatures in my Keep! Eye Vegeta himself why don't you? They both look alike to me." Zarbon smiled at the obvious lie. For some reason, Frieza adored Vegeta, and had ever since King Vegeta delivered his son into Frieza's care. Vegeta and Frieza were very much alike on many levels; but Vegeta was as straight as it got. Frieza was not, just like himself.  
"Really? I don't think so myself. I don't think much of Vegeta's looks, but I guess some may like his type... " He said, and watched as Frieza turned to look out the window once more, refusing to comment. They stood in silence for a while, until suddenly Frieza spoke.  
"Zarbon, be careful. You are sure to be... disappointed in Raditz. And surely you understand the danger you put him in as well. Vegeta will kill him if he thinks Raditz is turning yaoi on him. Saiyans weren't open about such behavior, and Vegeta is ridiculously traditional in his Saiyan beliefs." Zarbon was stunned by this speech. Frieza was actually sanctioning his interest, however quietly. He bowed his head and then smiled.  
"I'll be careful. I don't know what's going to happen, but I'm ready for whatever it is." Frieza sighed again, and looked over his shoulder.  
"I hope so for your sake, Zarbon. Now then, I need you check out a small situation on Reftain 5 for me. It should only take a week. You leave in two days. That is all." He turned to the window, once more mesmerized by the vast array of stars to be seen from Frieza 78. Zarbon's jaw dropped, and he almost protested, but snapped his mouth shut in time. He knew better than to try to get out of this. He'd just have to try to get a hold of Raditz before he left.  


"Raditz! Frieza wants to speak to you! Alone!" Nappa yelled into the intercom between the Saiyans rooms. Raditz jumped awake, and stared at the speaker, baffled by this announcement. He never was called into Frieza's presence without Vegeta as well. He sat in his bed and frowned worriedly.  
"What? Why? I didn't do anything!" He snapped, and got up, getting dressed quickly. He frowned at his messy hair, but didn't have time to get it under control. He just pulled it back into a rough braid and ran out of the room. His path was blocked by Nappa's huge bulk, naked except for his trunks.  
"Raditz, If Frieza kills you for your little fling with Zarbon, I'll... "  
"What, kill me? Shut up Nappa. You don't believe that stupid rumor, do you?" He said, face calm and innocent. Nappa eyed him and nodded.  
"Yep, I do. I think you're capable of anything. I don't care about you; I don't want Vegeta to find out. He'll raise Holy Hell if he does, and then we'll all be... "  
"Killed, yes I know. There is nothing for our Oji to find out Nappa, so forget about it!" He brushed past Nappa, and hurried down the hall. As he rounded the last bend of the maze like path to Frieza's chambers, he ran into Zarbon.  
"Why the big rush?" He drawled. Raditz stepped around him, shaking his head.  
"No... Time... Frieza called... for me... " He panted.  
"To come alone? Yes, yes, I made the call, so relax. He isn't really expecting you, I lied." Zarbon told him, and nearly laughed at Raditz relieved face as he leaned against the wall.  
"Nani? I thought I was dead, I may still be; Nappa is threatening me... "  
"Never mind that Cabbage Head, come along, I'm sure you're hungry." Zarbon took Raditz by the arm and led him into another hall and then his own quarters. Raditz stared in amazement at these rooms.  
First of all they were huge; he could put six of his own room into one of Zarbon's. Second, the décor was lush, done in rich colors and luxurious furnishings. Of course much of it was plunder from planets cleared out and given to Frieza. Raditz was torn between amazement and scorn for such a display of wealth. A Saiyan needed very little in the way of material things.  
"You pick this stuff out?" Raditz asked. Zarbon shrugged and turned into a doorway. He emerged with a hairbrush.  
"Your hair is a mess, Monkey Boy. I have to fix it; it's driving me nuts. Sit down." He waved at a backless chair. Raditz stood there, unmoving. He was unsure of this situation, unsure of his own feelings. Zarbon waited, and then took his elbow and pulled him to the seat. Raditz stared up at him like a frightened child.  
"Raditz, relax. I'm only going to try to fix up this mane of hair you have. I already told you, I don't bite." Zarbon said, his voice soft in the stillness of the room. Raditz looked down at his hands as Zarbon tried to work the brush through the mass of tangled curls. Finally it gave in to Zarbon's efforts, smoothing out and falling into black waves. Zarbon was surprised by how fine and soft the hair was; he'd thought it would be coarse. It did stand on end after all. Raditz was feeling relaxed and sleepy. He didn't know that having one's hair brushed was so pleasant. He didn't mind when Zarbon began to plait it, tying it off and stepping back.  
"Well, that's better. You know, you'd really benefit from bathing and brushing your hair more often."  
"Vegeta bathes a lot. He's as vain as... " Raditz stopped.  
"Me? Yes, I care a great deal about my looks. I admit it. But, " he knelt in front of the Saiyan, eyes serious, "You aren't ugly Raditz. You are quite handsome; you just don't take care of yourself. If I'm vain, don't I have some reason to be?" He asked. Raditz looked at him, wide eyed again, and nodded. Zarbon's smile was slightly smug, but Raditz still didn't expect what happened next.  
Zarbon stood and motioned for him to do so also. They looked at each other, and then it happened. Zarbon kissed him, right on the mouth. Raditz was stunned and embarrassed, but it was nice. He'd never kissed anyone before, and wished he had. Zarbon's mouth was warm and soft, and he held Raditz shoulders in his hands gently. He was clueless about what to do, so didn't resist when Zarbon opened his lips with his tongue and explored his mouth. He felt excitement rushing through him, and brought his own hands up to rest on Zarbon's hips, and made a little noise in his throat. Slowly they parted, and Zarbon chuckled.  
"That was interesting... You've never done that before, have you?" Raditz shook his head, panting a little. Zarbon waited, wondering how far to go with his wild Saiyan. He didn't know what Raditz past was like, and was unsure about seducing him if he had been straight all his life.  
"Have you ever had sex before?" He felt odd just saying it like this, but he needed to know.  
"Um, Zarbon, I've been with men before, but it wasn't like this. What, why is this different?" Raditz asked. Zarbon frowned slightly.  
"I'm not sure what you mean. I think you've only had sex, not been truly involved. Sex is fine, but it can be more. Much more." He made a decision. He didn't like it, but he wanted more time to do this right. He really like Raditz, which was a surprise in itself, but he felt that the younger man needed to be handled right to not take this whole thing wrong.  
"Raditz, I'm going to be leaving for a mission tomorrow. I want you to wait, and think about what being with me will mean to you. I want stability, and discretion, for both our sakes. Frieza has no problems with us, but I'm sure Nappa and Vegeta do. You need to decide if you want to follow your own needs, or theirs."  
"What do you mean? You aren't going to... " Raditz looked very disappointed. Zarbon flushed with pleasure at the thought, but still shook his head no.  
"No WE aren't going to do it. Yet. But we will, soon. Think about it. I want your decision. Frieza will protect you if I ask him to. Now go, and I'll see you when I get back."  


Raditz ignored Nappa's curious look and went straight to his room. It was so small compared with Zarbon's; it was like a prison cell. He closed him eyes and took a deep breath, remembering Zarbon's smell, the feel of his mouth. He already knew what he'd do. He just had to wait for his lover to return to him. Lover, how cheesy! Yet that's what they were now, weren't they?  
"Raditz! Get out here!" Nappa yelled, pounding on the locked door. Raditz grumbled, and shook his hair free from its braid before facing his commander.  
"Yes sir, what is it?" He said sullenly. He couldn't wait to get away from this baka.  
"What happened, what did he say?" Nappa snapped, tapping the floor with his foot. Raditz shrugged again and smiled.  
"He wants me to join his personal guard!" He lied. Nappa's large eyes bugged out. Frieza take one of Prince Vegeta's personal Body Guards for himself? He'd underestimated Raditz or something...  
"You can't abandon Vegeta this way! We are the last of us, only the three of us remain!" Nappa said in a panic. Raditz was suddenly visited with a memory.  
"No that isn't true. My little brother Kakarrot still lives. I could go retrieve him, and he can take my place... "  
"Kakarrot? He's third class! You're first class, and useless enough! What good is a third class weakling going to do for me and the Prince?" Nappa's yelling was going to rouse Vegeta soon, and Raditz really didn't want Vegeta to know about his move, not yet. He clenched his teeth and fought for calm.  
"Nappa, he's the only other option if Vegeta wants another Saiyan in his guard. Kakarrot is my brother, and my father's son. Bardock was strong for a third class Saiyan, I'm sure Kakarrot can improve too." Going to get him wouldn't take long, and Zarbon would be back by then. Nappa scowled, and nodded.  
"Fine, but we gotta tell Vegeta that you're going. I'll let Frieza tell him why though... " Raditz sighed in relief.  
"I'll tell him and head out as soon as possible."  


"Yeah, sure, go get him. You have my permission to go. I'll send the command to the pod station. Where is he again?" Vegeta asked, turning to his computer to send the message and get the coordinates programmed into Raditz's ship.  
"A little planet called Chikyu, I believe." Raditz said, peering at the screen to see how long it would take. It looked to be about 20 days, perfect. Zarbon would be back by then for sure.  
"I'm glad you thought of him, Raditz. You've been thinking a lot lately, haven't you?" Vegeta turned to look up at him. Raditz broke into a sweat at the look in the Princes eyes. He knew about Zarbon and himself! He could just feel it!  
"Try to not think so much, Raditz. It's not really your forte, is it?" Raditz frowned.  
"Forte? I don't know... "  
"Exactly. You don't know. So just be what you are; a soldier. Not a philosopher. Bah, go on and get out of here. Find your little sibling and you'd better hope he's worth the effort!" Vegeta turned away, dismissing him. Raditz bowed and turned, glad to leave. At least one person would be glad to see him on his return. That would comfort him on his short trip. That and that few memories he'd gathered of Zarbon...  


The trip turned out to be longer than he'd thought, considering how easy it went. A few well-placed Chi blasts, and the whole race gave up to Frieza's troops. After two weeks of delays, Zarbon couldn't help wonder if he'd been sent away for a more underhanded purpose. He intended to ask his master as soon as he returned. "Zarbon, report to Frieza immediately! Hold Brief." The voice of Dodoria hissed in the landing station as he stepped out of his ship. That was surprising. Hold Brief meant speak to no one until he spoke to Frieza first. Odd, since there was nothing really to report about the take over of Reftain 5. He strode through the corridors, eyes fixed straight ahead, though he looked for Raditz on the sly. He was disappointed. He'd had to tie things up, and he'd been gone for almost a month.  
"Master?" He said as he entered the outer chamber of Frieza's rooms. The Emperor stood waiting for him, alone of course.  
"Zarbon, did you get Dodoria's message? To hold brief?" He asked quickly. Zarbon nodded, and was cut off before he could ask why. "I didn't want you to hear this from anyone else...   
"The same day that you left, Vegeta sent Raditz to retrieve his brother from some planet he'd been sent to as an infant. You know how Saiyans did that... well, it seems that the young Saiyan didn't want to leave and be a lackey for Vegeta. He refused Raditz orders, and they had to fight it out... Raditz didn't survive." Frieza said quickly. Zarbon felt the blood drain from his face, and he felt weak, but didn't show any emotion. Frieza sighed.  
"I warned you about this. He was a low class warrior, and bound to disappoint you, either by leaving, dying or being boorish." Zarbon nodded dully. He wanted to be alone, but first he needed to confirm something.  
"Vegeta ordered him to go?"  
"The orders for his mission came from Vegeta, yes. Why?" Frieza's nostrils flared slightly and he smiled coldly. He knew why but wanted to hear it for himself.  
"Because, if I ever get my hands on him, I'll make him pay. That's why, Frieza. He'll pay for this, never doubt it." Zarbon's voice was a controlled growl as he thought of the Saiyan Prince.  
"Well, I had to send him to clear out a planet for me. He is late returning. He may be going to teach this young Saiyan a lesson. If he doesn't report soon, I'll have to make him pay myself." Frieza said. His face looked eager. Zarbon didn't care; he was going to get his hands on Vegeta one day, and he'd teach him the meaning of pain.  
Oh yes he'd make him pay...  



End file.
